


To Have Loved, To Have Lost It, To Have Earned It

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Bisexual Severus, Bisexuality, F/M, Kissing, Lily chooses Snape, Making Love, Marriage, Not a death eater Severus, Oral Sex, Order of the Phoenix - Freeform, Pregnancy, Professor James Potter, Sex, Snily, Wedding, cursing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-16
Packaged: 2020-11-02 04:07:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20616638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: James Potter had everything he ever had wanted Lily Evans, good friends and he was a Auror. But one night he goes too far. His entire life laid about before him with all he’s ever wanted. But, one curse at Severus Snape, which goes  so badly the man spends a week in bed, whose there to care for him? Lily.She breaks it off with James, and within months her and Severus are married. They should of had a happy long life together. That’s what James thinks at least.James takes a job as a professor at Hogwarts, ten years later he’s faced with young Evan Severus Snape. A boy who looks exactly like his father, but has Lily’s eyes. What is a broken hearted man to do?





	1. The choices you make

* * *

They were having drinks at Lily’s favorite bar, as they did once a month, though Lily was not yet there. But who was waiting for her as well? Snape. 

Just thinking his name wanted to made James snarl, why was the bastard even here? Why did he feel the need to dirty up a good bar with his greasy ass? Why couldn’t the man take a fucking hint? Lily didn’t want to be his friend anymore. She didn’t love him, she didn’t even like him. She did not hate him, but she was done with him. 

James’s black leather boots hit the scuffed wooden floor, as he stalked over to Snape. The other man’s black hair was longer, though also cleaner. He wore heavy black wool robes. A glass of fire whiskey sat on the bar in front of him that was just as scuffed as the wooden floors below their feet. The bar had seen better days, James hated the place, but it was Lily’s favorite and fucking Snape was going to ruin their night. 

No one else besides James, Snape, the bartender and few older witches and wizards were there. Severus ignored him, as if he didn’t hear James behind him. As if he didn’t care. As if he thought he was better than James, it made the young Potter’s blood boil. 

He grabbed Snape’s left forearm pulling him up, causing the man to spin around on his heels. Fuck he thought Snape had grown so much in the years they had not seen each other. He was still a walking skeleton, as pale as fish, but he towered over James, who barely 5’11, Snape was well over six foot.

“Can’t you just learn to leave a person alone?” Hissed Severus.

“Can’t you learn to leave my girlfriend alone Snape, and not stalk us like the freak you are?” said James.

Severus’s pale thin face pinched as he spoke “can’t you just accept your not Lily’s keeper? That she was my friend first? That I simply wanted a drink, and tell her I am sorry? That I am trying to do the right thing? I am moving to Paris, Potter. Just let me say goodbye to my former best friend. Then I will be out of your life forever I don’t plan on coming back.”

James stared into Snape’s large black eyes, shooting daggers at him, “Sniveling Snape I don’t believe you not for a second. Your master wouldn’t let you leave England and you know that as well as I.” 

“Potter I have no master, I am not a death eater.” Groaned Severus. “I am leaving, and whether you believe it or not, is not my problem. You are not Lily’s keeper, and you surely aren’t mine. So Potter do me a favor go back to your seat and leave me the hell alone!”

The bartender snarled “I know you two Potter and Snape, I have heard about your fights at Hogwarts from my nephew! Out with your lot, no fighting in my bar. I don’t serve either of your kind, Aurors or death eaters!” 

“I am not a death eater!” Yelled Snape as he yanked up his left sleeve showing his pale clear of any marks arm. All you could see is his blue purple veins under his skin.

James laughed and told the bartender “I heard a rumor only the inner circle is marked, surely they wouldn’t let a man with a muggle father in the inner circle now would they?”

“Out with both of ya! Now! Or I will throw you out!” Yelled the bartender.

Neither man listened, so the bar owner sent them out his door with a spell on their asses. 

Severus Snape was done he was tired of being the bigger man, when you repeatedly kick a dog they generally do bite back. He launched himself at James Potter, getting a good fist punch to the man’s face.

They both tried to get the upper hand on as they fought on the cobblestone ground. James’s glasses ended up shattered. He spit blood in Snape’s face. “Just like your muggle father Snape, fight like a real wizard!” Hollered James. 

Snape reached for his wand, instead of being able to say a spell, James’s gets it out first. He breaks multiple of Severus’s ribs. Why did Snape think he stood any chance of a trained Auror. For once Potter didn’t want to toy with him, but actually hurt him. The other problem was Severus was still mostly sober, he didn’t want to kill James, simply teach him a lesson. Potter had no such qualms when he was three sheets to the wind. 

Lily and Remus just then walked up, as Severus coughed off blood onto the street. Remus ran to James, as Lily thought for a half of a second and ran to her first friend’s side. 

They both ask James what did you do to him “he was going to kill me!” Screamed James. 

The werewolf drags his friend away, “really a wizard who is getting his mastery in Potion’s was going to kill a fully trained Auror? I have ignored it for years James, but I am not stupid! And I know Snape well enough if he wanted to really hurt you at least wouldn’t of been able to hit him with that spell!”

“Remus why are you taking his side?!” Shouted James. 

“Because James I should of put a stop to your and Sirius’s crap years ago!” Shouted Remus, and then he whispered “when you tried to use me to kill him”.

Lily stared at the two men, her boyfriend and his friend, and then she looked at Snape where he lay. So it was true, what Severus had claimed all those years ago? That Sirius had tried to kill him using Remus on a full moon? “I am done James, just done, I don’t want to ever see you again. Snape is no saint, but neither are you Potter!” She said as she sidelong aparated Severus to St Mungos. 

********

Lily Evans sat next to a man laying in a bed, who she had never wanted to see again. In house she count on one hand how many times she had been inside of. Counting the three days she had been here as one, four times. Four times she had been allowed in the home where her closest childhood friend had grown up. 

Nothing, well almost nothing had changed over the years. Eileen his mother had moved to an apartment in a small wizarding village in Scotland, Lily didn’t even know its name. Tobias had drunk himself to death the year they had graduated from Hogwarts, which was good riddance in her opinion. 

James had broken three of Severus’s ribs, two on the left side, one lower on the right. He spent two days in St Mungos, because magic was the cause, the curse that James had used there was little they could do for Severus. The only thing that they could do was make sure air didn’t get stuck in his chest wall. On the second day it was clear that it was not going to happen. So, he was fine to go home if someone could stay with him to help him do rather basic things. If not he would have to stay at St Mungos. He clearly wasn’t happy with the idea of doing so. 

Severus flinched when the staff touched him. He was silent about his discomfort, but anyone who knew him as well as she did, or thought she did, could see he was not comfortable at the hospital. Even though she knew he wasn’t a death eater because of what he had said, and the fact he was not marked, she still wanted to see if possibly his mother could be the one to care for him, surely he would be more comfortable with that than his former friend right?

Well even if that would make him more comfortable the answer was no. Eileen Prince as she was now calling herself. Her magic and body were far too weak to take care of her only son in his time of need. 

Lily said once the fire call ended “fucking dammit, Merlin dammit”.

When she went back to his room he looked at her with his large black eyes that seemed to have so much depth to them, and said “Lily I will tell them when they come back that I must stay here”. His coughed loudly afterwards, and whined in pain.

He looked so different than the angry teenager she once knew. In the white hospital gown, under the soft blue blankets. His hair had been washed nightly by a nurse with her help. It was soft, though it still fell into his eyes. It was his shield from the world, or so she had thought of it all those years ago. 

She sat down on his hospital bed, taking his long pale fingers in her own. They were potion stained just had they had been since he was eleven years old. His nails were trimmed neatly, his hand soft in her own. He shut his eyes and held tighter to her fingers. As if he was enjoying something he thought he would never get again. 

“Sev there is no need to tell them your staying here. I can stay with you, if you will have me that is.” Said Lily tentatively as if she may regret this decision after all.

Instead of insisting he didn’t need her help as he would done in his younger years, as he always did when he was in pain, for as long as she had known him, he sighed and said “thank you Lily, you don’t know how grateful I am to you.”

That was how they ended up with her sleeping in what use to be his childhood bedroom. He was in what was once his parent’s bedroom. He had tried to force her to take the far larger bed and room, but she had insisted she would be up and about far more than he, he needed the more comfortable bed. She only went into his childhood room to sleep, dress, and when she needed a few minutes to herself. They spent however most of those three days together.

He asked her about her work, actually caring about her job. It wasn’t the most interesting thing ever she worked at a apothecary, but she enjoyed it, and it paid decently. James insisted she should just quit that his money could pay for her to be home. She didn’t like that idea. Lily Evans wanted to have her own money, and her own apartment. But when her lease couldn’t be renewed, and none of her other friends willing to allow her to stay a few days while she found another place, she ended up staying with James.

But oddly no one else seemed willing to rent to her, so she just gave up and stayed with James. Now that they had broken up she truly had no place to go. She could see if her parents could take her in, but they were getting up there in age. Petunia barely was speaking to her after what James had said to her and Vernon. So while isn’t exactly what she planned to do, maybe it was good that Eileen didn’t feel she could help with Severus.

Remus had dropped Lily’s things off to her without a word, didn’t ask who she was staying with, either. Though the man wasn’t stupid he could easily guess. It wasn’t that hard Lily didn’t really have any other friend who would be living in a muggle only town.

She snapped out of her thoughts, and she needed to make lunch for her and Severus. She made her way to the small kitchen, with the peeling walls. She chopped the root vegetables, without thought. She dumped them into the stew pot, along with the beef. She left it simmering, and made her way up stairs with a glass of water for Severus. He had likely woken up from his nap as he had done the two days before. 

She stood in the doorway for a second he was desperately trying to sit up. She said “let me help you Sev”. He nodded, sighing and laying back on the pillows. She sat the glass of water on the nightstand and helped him up. He didn’t give her a chance to, and reached for the glass of water wincing as he did so. 

“Severus Snape you are the most stubborn man I have ever met in my life” she groaned.

“Indeed” he said with a smile, “and you have know this since forever, or nearly forever”. 

“Yes I have” she muttered. “I am going to finish dinner”.

********

A few days later Lily helped Severus down the stairs supporting part of his tall lanky frame. “Couldn’t you be shorter” she muttered.

“It would be easier if you were taller” he laughed, which led to coughing, so they stopped on the landing. 

“I happen to be 5’6” she said. “And for a English that is above average.” 

He tucked her bangs which had fallen in her left eye behind her ear, without thought. He couldn’t help but brush her cheek as he did so. Her freckled skin, so different from his milky pale complexion. She sighed, and he pulled his hand away as if he been burned, or better yet caught in the act. 

“I shouldn’t of done that, I am sorry” muttered Severus staring down at his long pale bony feet. He wearing a pair of flannel pajama pants and a white cotton shirt. He had let her braid his long collar bone length hair back, like she had done long ago when they were children. 

She smiled up at him, her green eyes shining brightly, she rested a hand on his long pale neck, whispered “it’s fine, I don’t mind” and finally after wanting for days, possibly even years back when they were just teenagers, back before he had called her that horrible wretched name, she kissed him. Standing on her toes to do so. And he kissed her back like the breathe in his own lungs depending on it. Like the fate of his very soul. 

********

Within months he asked her to marry him. They stood on a small wooden dock in early August. The season was odd, leaves had already turned bright red, reminding him of her hair. They both were bundled up to protect them from the cold. Her in a cloak, a blue sweater and jeans, him in black slacks, a green button up shirt, and a black wool coat. His ribs no longer gave him any trouble, sometimes if someone pressed in the place where they had been broken he winced, but Lily avoided doing so.

She cried when he dropped to one knee in front of her. He said “I have loved Lily Evans from the day I met you. You taught me to be a better person, you loved me when I thought I was unlovable. I thought I had lost you. I wanted to tell you goodbye that night, and yet here we are. Lily you gave me far more chances than I ever have deserved, I ask you with every bit of my heart and soul, will you marry me?”

She smiled at him. Reaching for his pale face, brushing the single tear that fell from his black eye away. He leaned into her touch. Her thumb brushed his thin pale lips, and then she spoke the words that sent his heart ablaze, that made him surely the happiest man to ever walk the face of the earth. “Yes Severus I will marry you.”

He slipped the small gold band on her finger. “I wish I could afford something nicer” he muttered. “You deserve better”.

She reached for his hand, and pulled him up to stand. She smiles her green eyes full of fire, as she says “Severus Snape it’s prefect, just as this place, and you are just wonderful the way you are. I am not marrying you for your money. And I love beautiful simple things. Do not say horrible things about my engagement ring”. And before he can say a word she kisses him silent. And for once Severus has not one self hating thing to say. He has learned over the years it’s better to just agree with Lily, once she sets her mind to something. 

***********

It was October 16th, it was a Saturday afternoon, there were so many places that James could be. He could be working overtime. He could be playing Quidditch. He could be in the bed of Mary the girl he had seeing off and on. The sexy little blonde, who knew how to do things with her tongue he did not believe were possible. He could out getting snot faced drunk with Sirius. He could be going muggle fishing with Remus, who insisted it was fun. Not that he believed him. He could be doing anything else, anywhere else. 

But what was James Charles Potter doing? He was watching the girl of his dreams marry the guy he bullied, so badly at Hogwarts the man use to be unable to look at him without snarling. Now though the few times he saw Snape he was smiling. Laughing. It was like the man had the weight of the world taken off his shoulders. And in a way he did. Severus Tobias Snape was getting the girl, the girl of his dreams, the girl who he from what the minister had said loved her from the day he met her at nine years old.

James wanted to wipe that smile off Snivellus‘s face. He wanted to break that beak like nose one more time for good measure. He wanted to feel the cartilage crunch under his fist. He wanted to bruise that pale skin. He want to break his bones. He wanted to knock those crooked teeth out. He wanted to prove the bastard was a death eater, and watch him get kissed. He wanted Lily to see him for the monster he was, just as she had done years ago, back at Hogwarts. 

But most of all he wanted to be in Snape’s shoes. He wanted to be the one standing up at the altar with Lily saying vows to her, promising his life to her. She was dressed in white, the sleeves covering her small hands mostly, the high collar of lace, her red hair twisted and curled on top of her head. Her train dragged on the floor around her. Alice Longbottom stood up with her. With her short brown hair, and her plucky, yet stubborn personality. Couldn’t Alice see how wrong this marriage was for Lily? 

Why was she helping it happen? Why had Remus become friends with Snape? Why was he standing up with the man? Why had he started writing letters to him, and then took Snape out for drinks? Why did Snape make friends with the man who stood by as a teenager and watch him get bullied? 

James didn’t understand either of them. But you see when Lily forgave Severus years later for he had said to her? She reminded him sometimes if a person truly means it you can forgive them. That’s why Remus Lupin was his best man. And because Severus remembered that night outside of the bar, it was hazy, but he did remember it.

Remus of all people had stood up for him, against his friend. One of the same friends who knew his secret. If Remus was willing to risk total ruin for Severus, someone who hated him, surely the man was worth giving a chance to wasn’t he?

James and Sirius who sat side by side at a wedding they never believed would happen. They watched as the bride and groom sealed their marriage with a kiss. Surely it wasn’t suppose to be this way right? They both thought to themselves. 

A man in black dress robes with green trim walked down the aisle with his bride at his side. Mr and Mrs Snape couldn’t be happier, the same however could not be said for one Mr Potter, who realized in that moment he never should of said that curse. That he had lost the most important thing to him ever because of that curse.

He lost Lily because he could not just leave Snape alone that night, because he could not just let the man drink his fire whiskey tell Lily sorry just as he had done a hundred times before, and if he was not actually planning on going to Paris, a hundred time in the future. And if he was actually going to Paris he would be in another country. She would not of forgiven him, just as he she had never forgiven him before, because he had not yet shown he was worth forgiving, because she would not of given him a chance to. 

And Remus Lupin would of never confirmed what Severus had been saying for years of what Sirius Black had nearly caused him to do on a full moon. So you see James Potter and only James, is the reason he lost Lily, not that she was something to possess like a broom kept on a self, she was a person.

Lily chose Severus because during that week when she stayed with him, cared for him while he healed from his broken ribs, he treated her like a person. Caring what she did for work, her thoughts, and her opinions. Lily was not another trophy for him to keep, she was the woman he loved. That’s why she was now Mrs Snape, instead of Mrs Potter, but what put that into motion was James’s curse. 

**********

Lily giggled as Severus kissed her shoulder, and started to unbutton her blouse without looking. She was sitting in his lap facing forward. Once finished opening it, he laid his hand on her flat belly. “God’s your beautiful” he muttered into her pale neck. She stood and they both stripped off their clothing; she pushed him back on the bed. 

She ran her hand down his pale belly. Her thumb playing great attention to his happy trail, which was the only hair on his chest or stomach. He let out a small moan and closed his black eyes. She let out a small noise after she reached down to hold his member. She wanted to make this wonderful for him. They had eaten dinner quietly in their hotel room, after their wedding day. She knew her husband well he was not the type to have useless chatter for no reason, that was why they did not have a large reception, it was far smaller than their wedding, just-drinks with close friends. 

They had dinner in their new quiet little cottage by the sea, they had to take out a loan to afford it, but it would be worth it for Severus not to feel the weight of the depression on his shoulders.

Now it was going to be their first time together. She had never gone this far before. The truth was Severus had never gone further than petting and kissing. She took him into her mouth. His eyes snapped open, as his hand tangled into her red loose curls. 

He desperately tried to not move. Her arm resting on his hips to keep him pinned. The other touched the part that wasn't in her mouth. He moaned ”stop or I am going to not last”.

. She did nothing. He hissed ”I want to cum inside of you”. She gave him one last hard suck and pulled back. Hands-on his chest she sunk on to him, she kissed him on the lips, then his forehead, then his one cheek, and then the tip his nose. They made love multiple times that night, in ways neither of them ever consider they would. And it was like heaven, to both of them. 

***********

They stood on the rocky shore together. His strong arm wrapped around her small waist. Her head on his strong thin shoulder. He didn’t know what they were going to do. They were so young. Not yet even twenty years old and going to have a child. This did not seem like the right time. A war was going on outside their rather simple lives. 

People they went to school with were killing each other and being killed by each other. As much as they tried to desperately pretend it was not transpiring it was. Severus had made a potion weekly for of all people James Potter’s father in the little shop he worked at in Diagon alley. They were far from friends, but they would sometimes strike up a simple conversation about things that mattered little. Now the man was dead. Killed by death eaters, for no other reason than he spoke out against them. 

What did that mean for people like Severus and Lily? He had been actively urged to join them throughout Hogwarts, and Lily was a muggle-born. Surely if they were a list of targets they would be on the top. If they were willing to a pureblood wizard, who simply said not nice things about them in the press? What would they do to a Slytherin half-blood with a muggle father, and his muggle-born wife?

Kill them without thought that's what. As if they did not even matter. Severus understood now in his heart of hearts he had only ever been a pawn to the likes of Lucius Malfoy. 

”We should go to Paris, they are not there yet and likely never will be,” said Severus. 

Lily turned her hand on his cheek, thumb on his pale lips, ”Severus this is our home. We have friends, work, this house, your mother, my sister, and my parents are buried here. I don't want to leave. I want my child to go to Hogwarts like we did. I want to take them to London, go hiking in the Highlands, I want to live the life I have always dreamed of here with you and our children.” 

He bent down to kiss her lips gently and then whispered into her hair ”then we will stay and face this together as a family”. So then she introduced him to the order of the Phoenix. 


	2. The Phoenix

Lily had owled Dumbledore about them coming to the next order meeting. The headmaster had responded rather promptly with the location and time. She knew it was because of her husband, Severus knew things no one else right now in the order would know. He was a Slytherin after all.

As much as she did not want to think about it, as much she did believe him stopped practicing the dark arts the knowledge could not simply be removed from his brain. She remembered the night he threw the books on the subject in the fireplace of the house he was raised in. The emotions on his pale face, as he thought about all he was losing, but on the same token all he was gaining for doing so. 

She left him alone that night when the deed was done. He went outside standing on the street corner smoking a half of a pack of cigarettes. The smell clung to his black hair even after his shower. He did not face her in bed that night. She did not sleep much that night staring at the sliver scars that littered his thin pale back. She nearly traced them with her fingers, but could not bear to do so, fearing he would lash out with the emotions he was trying to suppress. 

The next morning he woke up first made breakfast and did not talk about what had occurred the night before. It was as if it had never happened. She wondered at times if he missed the subject if he missed those books that had drawn him in since he was a child. Part of Lily did not want to know the answer because to know the truth would make her want to ask him if it was worth it. Did he love her more than the dark magic that had enthralled him since he was only eleven years old? 

Lily learned something over the years sometimes it was best to simply not know the answer if it was not going to change a thing. Those books were no longer in the possession of her husband, or anyone for that matter, or at least those copies of them. Books were in their bookcase in their living room were either light or considered grey by the magical world and that is what mattered the most. 

She could set that aside so long as he no longer practiced such magic, just as she had about James’s habit to drink far too much. Out of her house, not in her marriage, not in her life, simply a thing of the past. Just like how long ago when she was seven she had desperately wanted a pony. What mattered was Severus made the choice to put her, and their now marriage above his abandoned interest in dark magic. Beyond that in a short seven months, they would have a baby to think about. 

Or at least that's what she told herself when her mind strayed to such thoughts. She poured out the rest of her cup of tea, today was her day off Severus had left early in the morning, he was picking up as many hours as he could to save for when their child comes. She had yet to tell her boss that she was pregnant fearing that she would be fired. The wizarding world had no protection for people in her situation. In the wizarding world, you could be fired for being pregnant, sick, or hurt. 

It was not just werewolves like Remus Lupin who could be fired for something that was not their fault. One day soon either someone at the shop would find out, or she would be so far along that she would have to tell them. 

She sighed loudly and walked into their bedroom to dress. The order meeting was tonight. At the Longbottom’s house. She and Alice kept in contact, they were friends. Frank and Severus had become friends to a point. The auror and the Potion’s master would duel regularly for the sheer fun of it. They also occasionally would go out to drinks together. What shocked her the most was that Remus and James (as well as Sirius for that matter he was basically her ex-boyfriend's tail) we're barely talking.

However, as the saying went not her Circus, not her monkeys. 

She dressed in a simple button-up shirt and a pair of jeans. Grabbing her hairbrush she hastily brushed her hair into a ponytail. The weather was cool but nice today so she went to work in their garden. Grabbing her jacket before doing so. 

********

Early that evening that was where Severus found her. Pulling up the few herbs and potion ingredients they had managed to grow. They would be prepared for storage tomorrow. He was still dressed in his work clothing, a simple black robe, his black hair hanging in his eyes. 

”How was work?” she asked him as she stood up brushing the dirt from her hands on her jeans. 

”Busy, but that's to be expected after a long weekend,” he said as he took her hand into his. ”Any news from the headmaster?”

She said, ”yes there is an order meeting tonight actually at the Longbottom’s at seven.”

Severus nodded and said,” so just enough time to eat dinner, clean up and go.” He added after a second ”it’s half past five at the moment when checked before coming out here to find you.”

She nodded and then they walked into their small home. They went to work on their quick supper together in silence. She watched his methodical knife work, after a decade of knowing him, still amazed at how at ease was he in both a potion’s lab and a kitchen. She would swear for a second she thought his black eyes were shut. But only for a second, he snapped out of his trance and handed her what needed to go in the frying pan to be cooked. 

She did her part in silence as he set the table. Then he said “I am going to shower before we go, I will down for dinner in a few”. Lily nodded and then kissed his cheek. His hair was slightly greasy from work, surely James was going to this meeting, likely Sirius as well, and she was sure the last thing he wanted to listen to was their stupid jokes. She wanted to tell him as she had done for years that it did not matter what those fools said, but she also knew she should waste her breath. 

As much as he would never admit, Severus did care what those fools thought of him. Sometimes she wondered if in his subconscious he for a second thought they were better than him. They were pure-bloods after all and he was not. Eileen was a pureblood elitist through and through even though she married a muggle. She had taught her son that all of his life, or least growing up. His father however was simply proving Eileen’s snide comments true with his actions.

Her husband had changed though over the years and that wasn’t just burning a dark arts books. She in their relationship had not seen him contact one of his fellow Slytherin classmates once. The only one he mentioned was Regulus, who did frequent the shop where he worked, but he also did the same where she worked.

They also did not come and check on him, any of them, not even Regulus, who had once been Severus’s tail, when he was hurt. He went to get drinks with Frank Longbottom, he spent time with Remus Lupin, and was helping better the wolfsbane potion. Even starting to make it for the man at little cost, simply having him cover the things that did not grow in their own garden. He hung out with a Ravenclaw a year above them Roger Clearwater. 

What shocked her, however, was whenever Professor Slughorn sent him a letter it went straight to the fire, when she asked him about it one evening he said simply “Slughorn wants me to take his job when he retires, I have no interest in teaching children who are not my own”. 

When dinner was done she placed dinner on the table and went to dig out their pitcher of water. She sat it on the table as well. He was down the stairs a minute or two later, hair still dripping wet from his shower. His collar of his shirt was wet from his rather long hair. She knew better than to suggest he cut it he loved the ability to hide in it too. To have it as a shield from things he did not want to deal with. 

They sat down at their beaten up dining room table that they had picked up at a second-hand charity shop. She had found crayon drawings on the underside once they had gotten it home, Severus wanted to remove them with magic she insisted it gave it character. And it did just that. It moreover reminded her that one day their own child would find those drawings and add to them. Just and she and her sister did under their own kitchen table. And later her and Severus, himself.

She even thinks in her photo album she may have one of them doing just that after he had told her he would never be allowed to do such a thing in his own home. They may have been slightly too old at nine to do such a thing, but had given in after a few minutes shedding his sullen shields and enjoyed it.

They ate in silence, but it was comfortable silence. The silence that comes when you have known each other for so long. He finished before she did, so he sat there nearly dumbstruck his left hand resting under his chin, propping him up, just watching her. His eyes bright, though tired. She rested her hand on his right hand across the table when she finished. 

She whispered softly wanting not to break the silence that seemed to calm him, to remove the feeling of the weight of the world on his shoulders. ”Let me get changed and then we can go.”

He nodded and then kissed the fingers of the hand that rested on his own. 

She made her way up the stairs, pulling her pale wood wardrobe open. What do you wear she thought when facing your ex, his friends, you're former headmaster and Merlin knows who else? And trying to hide a not yet visible pregnancy from a bunch of gossiping fools, who thought they needed to the whole world everything, aka one being her Mary her former roommate, who last she heard had shacked up, with James. 

There she thought to herself, the cream-colored long-sleeved dress her sister had bought for her for Christmas, the last one she was living at home for. It was a size or so too big, but it works. Beyond that a trusty cloak, she went the bathroom to wash up before dressing. 

She pulled on a pair of dress shoes that had seen they're better days, but the leather was quite soft. She went down to face the fact they were going to go to what was functionally a lion’s den, but it was better than a viper’s pit. 

Severus’s hair was now damp though not dripping wet. He his other set of work robes were on him. Black plain, simple and with more buttons than she could easily count. 

”Want me to tie back or braid your hair?” she asked. 

He simply nodded very much lost in his own thoughts. She waited for an answer to which before giving up and grabbing a hair tie and his brush. That was sitting out from where he had forgotten it this morning on their fireplace. 

She said ”this would easier if you sit in a chair, Severus. Your a little too tall for me to do this with you standing up.”

He sat in the chair at their table without responding, he was likely just as uncomfortable with the gathering they would be at this evening, as she if not more so. 

She worked the brush through his clean, soft, black hair, rubbing her other hand at the back of his long neck. He leaned into her touch without thought. His neck was tight and knotted from leaning over caldrons all-day-everyday. She gave up on enjoying the simple task that put her mind at ease and got to work to quickly braid his hair. Once done she kissed the top of his head and whispered,” We should take a bath together when we come home”.

He muttered,” but I have already showered for the day....” And then after a second, his pale ears turned red when he caught what she actually meant. ”Yes we should take a bath when we get home” he coughed.

She smiled and laughed before whispering in his ear ”it gives you something to look forward to if you survive this meeting, that is.”

He coughed, then stood up to face her and then nodded. ”If we don't leave now we might be late, and they already aren't going to be happy about me being there” Severus muttered. ” Let's not give them another reason for that”.

They flooed directly to the home of the Longbottoms, some were waiting around, Lily spotted Dumbledore, the owners of the home, Lupin, Sirius, and James. As well as a set of twins she knew to be the Weasleys, by their bright nearly orange-red hair. 

James had a dirty look of bitterness and hostility on his once believed to her handsome face. Now all she could see when she looked at him, was Severus’s body lying in the street as he coughed up blood onto the cobblestones and the bastards words of ”he was going to kill me”. She was not a fool now nor then, but she may have been one in school, she knew that if her now-husband wanted someone dead they would likely be dead. 

Severus was far more thoughtful about his actions than James would ever be. They both were powerful, that night however one aimed to hurt and another aimed to kill or at the very least put in the hospital. 

Sirius Black hadn't been there that night, forever running late, but he looked at her with far more hatred than James could ever dream of mustering. James wanted her out of his sight, Sirius looked as if he wanted her dead. The look in his grey-blue eyes startled her greatly, was this how he looked at Severus since they were just first years at Hogwarts? Because if it was no wonder why Severus insisted there was no way they could ever be friends. 

That was the look of a boy not above trying to use his friend as a werewolf to slaughter, the boy he had nothing but disdain for. It was someone who would not mind a bit of blood on his hands to get what he wanted. 

Remus was just Remus, dressed in a coat that had seen it’s better days. He from the looks of it was in a worse financial situation than her and her husband. With his little furry problem as she sometimes thought of it, after hearing James call it that.

She hung up her cloak on the rack by the front door, Severus did the same with his coat. Alice came up to her and hugged her, saying in her ear ”well this is going to be an interesting evening”. 

Lily nodded at her friend. Alice greeted Severus, she smiled brightly at him while doing so. Frank came over to greet both of them. Dumbledore said thank you for coming to them from the other side of the room. Remus waved at them, but no one else said anything. To them, she might as well of brought a viper into the quiet home, and to them, Severus was far more hazardous than a mindless reptile. 

They sat together on a small love seat together. Severus wrapped his long arm around her waist, pulling her even closer to him. She allowed it, but thought to herself men. 

Dumbledore was dressed in midnight blue robes, they were rather plain for him, but the color was rather bright. He spoke to the crowd that was assembled in the comfortable small parlor. ”Severus has decided to join, be civil to him, he understands far more about who we are fighting than just about anyone in this room.”

Sirius muttered under his breath ”because he's one of them”.

Severus’s face pinched with irritation, instead of responding he merely started to undo the buttons of his sleeve on his left arm. His lanky fingers quickly making work of them. He oddly shook his arm when finished, showing off to the order members that were gathered his unmarked without a branding or ink on his pale arm. Though it was covered in small thin self-inflicted scars. 

He glared at Sirius, and then spoke in a monotone voice ”as you can see I am unmarked, and it's not for lack of them trying to convince me I should take it, does that answer your question, Black? Or would you like to check the rest of my body? All you will find are old scars some of which are caused by yourself and your friends.” His black eyes flared with furry. 

He redid the buttons of his sleeve. 

James snarked ”he could be a spy, unmarked so we would trust him?”

Lily laughed throwing her head back the fool she nearly married. ”And you think he who must not be named would allow him to marry me if that was the case, do think Severus who has loved me since childhood would risk my neck to make his cover look more real? Snape for good measure marry the mudblood witch and get her pregnant.” She then realized the secret she had spilled in her desire to prove Potter wrong. Slytherin she was not. 

James spit out his water onto his muggle tee shirt. His hazel eyes somehow becoming even sharper if that was possible. ”You stupid girl! You let him get you pregnant. Now you can never leave him. Now things can never go back to the way they are supposed to be. Now you're stuck with Snively Snape.”

Severus was about to snarl something at James, to call him something just as wretched, but Frank spoke first ”Potter shut the hell up! You don't know Severus. You never have bothered to get to know him any more than you got to know me, or my wife. It's Lily's life. She's Severus’s wife. They have every right to choose to have a child together no different than my own wife and I have chosen to. Severus is here to help us, and all you and Sirius have done this meeting is mock him. Either say something actually productive and apologize or get the fuck out of my house. Now, make your choice. Be a normal person or get the hell out.”

Severus felt nothing but joy inside at someone, anyone trying to take Potter down a peg, in defense? That made it far more delightful. 

”It’s your meeting Dumbledore. Tell him he can't talk to me like that.” cried James like a teenager and not the grown man he actually was. 

Albus sighed loudly pinching the bridge of his nose. ”James we are fighting a war, not teasing each other in the hallways of Hogwarts. Severus wants to help us. Who Lily marries and chooses to have a child with is not your concern, any more than it is mine. Apologize like the grown man you claim you have become. And for the record, this may be my meeting, but this is Frank’s and Alice’s home. Not my own.”

James growled out ”sorry Mr. and Mrs. Snape. I wish you nothing but happiness in your married life”. 

Alice rolled her brown eyes and Severus said ”let’s get on with something actually productive? There is no point in me being here if it's not actually doing something beyond is Snape a spy? I consider very few of you people I actually would choose to spend time with.” Those people were Lily, Frank, Alice, and Remus. 

Albus asked ”is there any way for you to get more information on the death eaters? Are you willing to write down for me what you do know? I can go over it easier that way and share it with members who can't make regular meetings for various reasons.” 

Severus responded with ”yes there is a ball for Halloween the Malfoys put on, I could attend. I am generally invited. That would give me access to many in the inner circle, supporters and those who lean that way. More than that those who are interested in possibly switching sides, or have dirt that can force them to do so. I can write what I know down. I request you only share it with those you know you can trust it with, people you fully trust.”

James snarked ”why wouldn't we trust all order members, besides you that is, Snape, so should we keep the information you tell us from you? Or just the information we learn from others from you?” 

Alice snapped ”Potter, Severus wants to help us. The very fact he's married to a muggleborn, who happens to be pregnant with his child? It's his own neck on the line far more than yours.”

Severus couldn’t help himself he smirked at James, unable to avoid showing his joy at others not putting up with his behavior. James looked about ready to hex him. Sirius of all people looked like he was considering stopping his friend from doing so.

Lily elbowed him in the ribs. “Stop egging him on Severus your doing no good, by doing so, be the grownup, let him be the foolish teenager. And I will be going to that ball with you.”

Severus whispered “no you will not. It’s not safe, for you.”

Lily whispered back “existing, the very fact it may come a time where simply existing is dangerous for a muggleborn. I will be going. They know we are married it’s best not to hide from that fact. A united front is our best method to stay safe.”

Severus said “we will talk about this later, without a audience”.

Albus said “so you Severus at the very least are going to this party, next week. Lily may or may not be joining you. I suggest she does because it will look better. She also should try to show interest in what they have to say. Possibly even suggest that she accepts your former opinions, on such things.”

Severus said “but she’s....”

Dumbledore responded “there are muggleborn death eaters, though they are extremely rare. Lily’s powerful enough they will consider her worthy of being your wife. You should not join them. You will stop going to their parties if they push you, but you two can show a interest in it all the same.”

Severus rubbed his eyes and forehead with one hand. Sometimes he just wished they could go to Paris, and forget this godforsaken island. They could have a happy, safe, and stable life there, away from this bullshit. Away from being the pawns of some war that should not even be fought. A war that if he was honest with himself, and he usually was just one group trying to rid their world of another.

And he nearly was a part of such thing, simply because he yearned for power and superiority. He yearned to no longer be the poor boy from Cokeworth. He wanted to go back in time just to slap himself. Just to tell himself how stupid he was. Those people were not his friends. What mattered was not the house he owned, where he worked, or how money he had, what mattered was the woman rubbing her thumb against the back of his hand. It was his unborn child. It was friendships. 

It was everything that the angry fifteen-year-old did not have and never believed he would. And now all he wanted to do was forget all of this until next week, until that stupid party, or at least until he had to write the letter Dumbledore requested. But for now, all he wanted to do was go home with Lily. To make love to his wife. Or at the very least hold her in their bed.


End file.
